letting go

it's like opening a pandora's box.
once you've discovered it, it changes everything.
the way you react, your actions, what you do, how you do it, etc... everything isn't the same anymore.
once you've uncovered new feelings, there's no going back. it opens up a host of complicated and complex problems. just like the discovery of nuclear weapons altered government politics and

it's funny how we tend to view present events through the lens of past experience, and react accordingly as well. it's the same in relationships, in work, in social interactions, in many, many things, big and small.

our actions seem to be reflected through these wizened glasses. it is as if our first experiences have etched an indelible mark; or perhaps, they've turned into a bookmark for the specific topic as the chapters of our lives unfold. whenever we encounter a similar situation, we refer back to this bookmark, and use it as a guide, a tutorial, a walkthrough.

and perhaps that's why what we do often seem so myopic. we trap ourselves in our past and fail to see the larger picture at hand. we wish for security and believe that by not letting go, we would gain the assurance we seek.

but in actuality, our unwillingness to let go have caused us to suffer even more. it's like a drug addict not willing to give up on his drugs. eventually his addiction will bring him back to reality - with intense suffering and the unavoidable threat of death.

many things in life conform to this reality. we keep on going back to our past, as if they were an aegis that can be used to protect our vulnerable selves. we keep replaying events, asking ourselves the 'what if's, as if things will change just like that.

harboured deep within ourselves is an inherent fear. (nah not zhiwen aka charmander's autophobia)
a fear of letting go.

i wish i have the courage to let go.
but things like this isn't as simple as that.

oh well. life is currently dull and boring.
can't wait to get back to school.

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ANW! I'VE CHANGED MY BANNER AND DISPLAY PICTURE! =) i like the hearts. i think drawing is fun.