i wonder...

what i'm doing still awake at 2. sigh, i'm tired. but i like to rationalize with myself and keep telling myself that i need some time to allow my thoughts to settle, to seek sanctuary in the peaceful night to organize my mind.

and so i continue to burden my body with less sleep and more work. haha nvm! i shall sleep early today since i won't have anything after school! it's most probably the first and last time i'd get to leave school so early.

i read an article entitled 'the miracle of melancholia'. many of us yearn to be happy, and we live with the constant pressure that being happy is being normal. we believe that these highly idealistic happiness will absolve us of all our problems, that happiness will make us better people. definitely, joy is among the most important emotions to all human beings, and i can't imagine life without happiness - i can only see it to be a bleak landscape that is devoid of all colours. however, we should not allow the need to be happy to consume us, because grief is as important as joy, if not more important.

What makes us melancholy, Keats concluded, is our awareness of things inevitably passing -- of brothers dying before they reach 20; of nightingales that cease their songs; of peonies drooping at noon. But it is precisely when we sense impending death that we grasp the world's beauty.

grief and sadness allow us to "reconcile ourselves to facts, no matter how harsh, and that also can inspire us to imagine new and more creative ways to engage with the world". it brings out an awareness in us that will sometimes provide new perspective to old issues - new wine in old bottles. a person who is happy all the time will not have his mind developed completely for his thoughts remain in a perpetual status quo.

Joni Mitchell confessed in an interview that she has frequently endured long periods of gloom. But she has not shied away from the darkness. Instead, she sees her sorrow as the "sand that makes the pearl" -- as the terrible friction that produces the lustrous sphere. Given her fruitful struggles with sadness, Mitchell has understandably feared its absence. "Chase away the demons," she has said, "and they will take the angels with them."

just as we need pain and hardwork to progress, sorrow is required to complete joy. we need to experience sadness to cherish happiness. yup it's definitely an insightful take to the human emotion that many deemed as a weakness we must avoid. haha do read it if you have the time!

I'm offering hope to those millions who feel guilty for being downhearted. I'm saying that it's more than all right to descend into introspective gloom. In fact, it is crucial, a call to what might be the best portion of ourselves, those depths where the most lasting truths lie.

ok school in a few hours' time =) haha and dim sum dollies is very entertaining and nice.

HAPPY BDAE FUNX!