detached

Actually, to be honest, I am feeling quite directionless now. There’s this vague sense of disquiet impinging upon me, and I guess I’m just unsettled. No, I’m not feeling sad, angst, emo or whatever negativities there are out there. It’s just that I’m rationalizing with myself to do all the totally time-wasting activities like playing PES 2008 or watching movies (yes I just watched another movie ><), and at back of my mind I recognize that there are still quite a lot of work to be done, assignments to be handed up, and strings that are left hanging, waiting to be tied up. Perhaps the most important event coming up is the GP CT2 on Wednesday, but the impact hasn’t registered yet. While I have already planned to start studying tomorrow, I think the impetus to really do so will only kick in late in the evening. So right now, I’m just wandering aimlessly, doing things just to fill time, perhaps hoping for a spark of inspiration or an unexpected drive to work to kick in.

This sense of detachment is most probably due to the recent conclusion of council term. Handover made that reality more clear, more penetrating, more real – it’s like staying in a stale classroom for a while before deciding to moving out, and that initial gush of fresh air that greets you is simply too sudden, taking you aback. Of course, there’s still individual handover of documents and roles which haven’t been completed, and for now remnants of council continue to reassure me of the delusion that council hasn’t ended. But it’s as if I’m dreaming and I know I’m awake – this feeling is so surreal and subtle I don’t even know how to begin describing it.

I don’t want to go back school on Tuesday. I think it will simply reinforce the reality of the end. My school life and council life are interwoven so closely, it’s as if one is enjoined to the other, much like how a pair of Siamese twins is. And the break is so quick, so immediate that there’s not even time to let go. Even separating a pair of Siamese twins requires an operation! I’m so glad BB HouseD and the BB27ths will still be around, and not to forget the many other councillors who have played such a special and important role in my 27th journey, but I’m just afraid that as the year draws on, feelings and sentiments will be consumed by the study-fest and examination-culture, the imperial forces which I believe and know will soon subjugate the J2 population under their control, causing us to drift apart.

Alright, no use thinking too much about such stuff. I just have to believe in my 27ths that we’ll always put in the effort to stay together. After all, challenges provide opportunities, and we shall and must make use of this chance to cement our friendships and bonds, building roots into the soil that represents our collective identity, the 27ths. =)

And onto happier announcements... HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHANGLING & SHIPEI! And congrats to Tiddy for becoming the Vice-Captain of BW HouseD!