Anyway, I was quite devastated after Econs and did some writing therapy. Didn't want to post this at first, but I thought that maybe it might help someone for all I know. Oh and I added the last two paragraphs after getting back Maths. So ya, here's my emo-momo musing.
I guess I have been living in this sheltered bubble all this while, confronting life with a Polyannaish attitude that does not reconcile reality with imagination. I have always had this total and wholesome belief in myself, that I would be able to succeed in anything and everything eventually. Ya, I would say it even borders egocentrism sometimes. But it seems like such a belief isn't really justified all the time, especially now. Yes, I know that there exist different strains of intelligence - social intelligence, emotional intelligence, and other varied intelligences, but in the end, what society judges us by is how we have achieved academically. In other words, the bottom line is that academic intelligence is the most important one, with all other forms of intelligence being subordinate under it as long as far as society is concerned with. In this depressed state of thinking, it just seems as if we are only allowed the luxury to entertain other forms of intelligence only after we have achieved a modicum of respectable achievements in academia.
Yes, yes, all this focus on results and grades... it seems so superficial, huh? But that is what we students have been conditioned to accept, isn’t it? That scoring stellar results is the only way to survive in this mechanic society that has students striving for results as though we were governed by the laws of demand and supply i.e. Government demanding results and we as students have to supply them. Streaming, GEP/Express, PSLE, O’ levels, etc... these institutionalized identifications and recognitions just serve as constant reminders that our society is continually being stratified by the meritocratic brand that has for so long defined the core existence of our over-achieving island.
Even if I am aware that, at the end of the day, what matters most aren’t the results we receive, or that grades do not define who we are, and even if I comprehend that what we achieve in academia is hardly representative of us, does it make a difference? Does this understanding of the ‘intangibles’ even matter at all? After all, what are the considerations of individuals when juxtaposed against the ‘greater vision’ of society?
I question, and question, because questioning is all that is within my capacity now. I can’t change the past, and the present is drifting too fast away from me, so I can only work towards the future where my hopes and dreams continue to keep me afloat in these turbulent waters. Damz, this sounds super emo. But I guess we have this tendency to exaggerate and magnify the extent of our thoughts after they have been processed through our minds. So I’m not really as sad as you may imagine.
I guess this is a better time than any to remove myself from this bubble where I have been contained for far too long. Take a breather of the cold, fresh air and feel the bite of the frigid winds against your cheeks. We have insulated ourselves against the harsh truth of reality for so long. Yes, perhaps it’s time to face up to reality. Perhaps this dose of truth could be the antidote that we have been seeking for all along.
...
All of a sudden, the rays penetrate through the proverbial dark clouds, and the day seemed much more cheery. How frivolous our moods and feelings are, oscillating between good and bad so quickly, so suddenly, as if the swinging pendulum is purely dictated by grades. Another case of superficiality, but that’s reality for us students I guess. Tethered to expectations and societal pressures, we tie our emotions so closely to results that an A or U could make all the difference to our day. As much as we may tell ourselves that we should not share this unhealthy asymmetrical relationship with grades, and that we should stop being so reliant and overly-dependent on it, I don’t think it is something within our means to control. It just happens.
We have been so perfectly conditioned throughout our lives beginning as early as primary education. Teachers favour the better students no matter what they may say. Children with grade improvements are rewarded, whereas those without are punished. Society lavishes attention on those who excel in academics and has the tendency to marginalize those who suffer the deficit in grades. It has already become part and parcel of our lives now, these responses to grades.
In the end, no matter what we may say, no matter what others may say, grades matter. Great grades matter greatly.
Yes, yes, all this focus on results and grades... it seems so superficial, huh? But that is what we students have been conditioned to accept, isn’t it? That scoring stellar results is the only way to survive in this mechanic society that has students striving for results as though we were governed by the laws of demand and supply i.e. Government demanding results and we as students have to supply them. Streaming, GEP/Express, PSLE, O’ levels, etc... these institutionalized identifications and recognitions just serve as constant reminders that our society is continually being stratified by the meritocratic brand that has for so long defined the core existence of our over-achieving island.
Even if I am aware that, at the end of the day, what matters most aren’t the results we receive, or that grades do not define who we are, and even if I comprehend that what we achieve in academia is hardly representative of us, does it make a difference? Does this understanding of the ‘intangibles’ even matter at all? After all, what are the considerations of individuals when juxtaposed against the ‘greater vision’ of society?
I question, and question, because questioning is all that is within my capacity now. I can’t change the past, and the present is drifting too fast away from me, so I can only work towards the future where my hopes and dreams continue to keep me afloat in these turbulent waters. Damz, this sounds super emo. But I guess we have this tendency to exaggerate and magnify the extent of our thoughts after they have been processed through our minds. So I’m not really as sad as you may imagine.
I guess this is a better time than any to remove myself from this bubble where I have been contained for far too long. Take a breather of the cold, fresh air and feel the bite of the frigid winds against your cheeks. We have insulated ourselves against the harsh truth of reality for so long. Yes, perhaps it’s time to face up to reality. Perhaps this dose of truth could be the antidote that we have been seeking for all along.
...
All of a sudden, the rays penetrate through the proverbial dark clouds, and the day seemed much more cheery. How frivolous our moods and feelings are, oscillating between good and bad so quickly, so suddenly, as if the swinging pendulum is purely dictated by grades. Another case of superficiality, but that’s reality for us students I guess. Tethered to expectations and societal pressures, we tie our emotions so closely to results that an A or U could make all the difference to our day. As much as we may tell ourselves that we should not share this unhealthy asymmetrical relationship with grades, and that we should stop being so reliant and overly-dependent on it, I don’t think it is something within our means to control. It just happens.
We have been so perfectly conditioned throughout our lives beginning as early as primary education. Teachers favour the better students no matter what they may say. Children with grade improvements are rewarded, whereas those without are punished. Society lavishes attention on those who excel in academics and has the tendency to marginalize those who suffer the deficit in grades. It has already become part and parcel of our lives now, these responses to grades.
In the end, no matter what we may say, no matter what others may say, grades matter. Great grades matter greatly.
Yea, that's the end to my writing therapy. You may agree with it, you may not. And what started off as a bad day ended up pretty good.
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