Who Are You?

'Who are you?' These three words may look simple, but it is a question that most will not find easy answering. Even those who proudly acclaim that they understand themselves very well must be aware of the various blindspots to their identities that people often struggle to make sense of.

Sometimes, we respond to this question by listing out the various identities that we have assumed and are assuming, or go through traits and qualities that distinguish our personalities from others. At other times, we answer with the things we enjoy doing - our hobbies and interests - as our actions often define us more clearly than rhetoric can ever.

Are our identities akin to words written on a sheet of paper - stuck in a static state of equilibrium that portrays a unilateral and singular depiction of ourselves?

But is it that simple? Are our identities akin to words written on a sheet of paper - stuck in a static state of equilibrium that portrays a unilateral and singular depiction of ourselves? And that even if it is cooled in viscous water or frayed in a fiery tempest, the font may become distorted but the contents shall always remain unchanged.

An instinctive response will, of course, be 'no'. But before we write it off completely, we should also acknowledge that there is some essence of truth in it, and recognize that at the core of our identity are some fundamentals and unyielding qualities that will always be a part of us even as we change, adapt and evolve.

Whenever I think about this, I will somehow imagine myself to be comparable to a set of puzzle pieces, with different pieces distributed to various batches of people.

Personally, I find that a difficult question to answer. There are many times when I feel like I have different sets of personalities that I show to different groups of people - much like how we dress differently when attending disparate occasions. Whenever I think about this, I will somehow imagine myself (or more specifically, my identity) to be comparable to a set of puzzle pieces, with different pieces distributed to various batches of people. Perhaps the corner jig saws will be given to the people I cherish more. The corners are, after all, the integral parts that define the shape of the puzzle, and thus can be said to constitute my core identity. And then the rest of the other jigsaws will be given freely to the assortment of people that hold a less important place in my heart.

Only then are you able to find out if the shades of white on the jigsaw you received belong to the wings of an angel or the teeth of a devil.

It may sound like an oxymoron, but the jigsaw analogy is the only way I can reconcile the fact that our identities are so fragmented, yet so singular; so different, yet so similar at the same time. If that is the case, perhaps you will only ever get a complete picture of a person when you are able to piece together all the jigsaws he or she has distributed. Only then are you able to find out if the shades of white on the jigsaw you received belong to the wings of an angel or the teeth of a devil; only then will you have the ability to distinguish whether the fiery gradient is part of a pensive sunset or a raging conflagration.

Yet, to describe oneself as the collection of different pieces somehow create the impression that we often display an incomplete version of ourselves to others. There is a sense of incongruity to it. Perhaps a more harmonious way of stitching my thoughts together might have been aptly provided by Neil Gaiman in his description of a multi-faceted stone.

This was the least of them. It was an Eagle Stone that I created for the great birds. And they used it for a time; and then they returned it to me. Facets, Matthew. Each facet catches the light in its own way. It glints and sparkles and flashes uniquely. It would almost be possible to believe that the facet was the jewel; not just a tiny part of it. But, then, as we move the jewel another facet catches the light... My point? I have no point, Matthew. Save for the jewel, and the facets, and the light. We see an aspect of the whole. But the facet is not the jewel.

The jewel, the facets, the light. Three different entities, yet together they reflect one reality.

Who are you? It is a personal question, yet we are only able to define ourselves in terms relative to others. As much as we would like to believe that our identity is ours to own, a commodity that belongs only to ourselves, the truth is such a good is probably a non-excludable one - where it is impossible or impractical to exclude others. Essentially, I guess we are who we make ourselves to be as well as what others make of us, and only by finding both of the parts and putting them together can we discover and understand ourselves better.