sigh

why has it got to be now and not any other time? much of my initial frustration, stubbornness and anger have vaporised into a deep sense of disappointment and disbelief.

my face is beet red. like really, really maroon kind of red. sigh. i'd been stubborn about it, forcing myself to try to recover fast, thinking of ways to sweat out, e.g. exercising, and then drinking lots of water, first cold then hot, in a desperate attempt to recover in time.

i had refused to see the doctor, wishing for some kind of miracle to happen onto me, wishing that in time, i will be fine and fit again. wistful thinking. earlier in the morning, it dissipated as i perspire profusely. and i was sooooo glad and relief! but lady luck must have been scowling at me, for i had it again just hours later.

finally, i relented to my parent's request to go see the doctor. by then, any wisp of hope i had harboured has winked into oblivion.

sigh. and to think i was so enthusiastic about ccal camp and campfire. wanted to have lots of fun with fellow scouts who are going as we display our 'scouting talents'...
but alas, the desire was to be eradicated by this sudden bout of illness.

i hate being sick. i hate staying at home doing nothing. i hate this.

sigh. so disappointed.