of sadness

we tend to oversimplify matters that engender a more complicated nature than many think it to be. we believe we know what remorse is when we failed to study hard enough for the exams and, as a result, received poor grades. we assume we understand what pain is after suffering from a long period of illness. we conclude that sorrow is what we perceive it to be after letting opportunities slip us by.

but in actual fact, such feelings and emotions can never be truly defined. other than the actuality that everything in life conforms to relativity, that things exists in shades and degrees rather than being absolute, there is also the occurrence of redefinition. when we were still a baby, being sad was when there was not enough attention or food. after growing up and experiencing life through many different avenues, being sad could be the demise of a relationship or the failure to accomplish something. and so, because life is so ever-changing and dynamic, our experiences often redefine presumptions formed previously.

and sadness has once again been redefined for me. sigh. what luck. and it's only compounded by the fact that the coming week is busy with house meeting and ihcs. and i can't be there to help my fellow house d. it almost feels as though i'm abandoning them. and it's hard to help out when you can't be there physically for them.

sometimes it's hard to be positive and optimistic, to put on a facade and say everything is gonna be alright when you can never be sure. and sometimes it's hard to look for the silver lining hidden behind this cloud when your mind is so clogged up. damn. having chicken pox sucks. especially at this crucial timing.

sometimes, i wonder how life would be without sadness, pain, and grief. would it be a better place? would heaven be like that? but every time i think about it, i'm not too sure if life would be better, if not worse. after all, don't you realise that suffering makes life experiences become sweeter? water tastes so much more refreshing to a man who is thirsty. air smells so much sweeter to a man who just came out from prison. i guess, perhaps suffering does put things into perspective.