true love is about...

suffering?

that was the message the priest at mass today was trying to convey to us. he relates it back to how Jesus was willing to suffer at our hands despite his status as the Son of God, going through the torture, the shame, and the scorn because he loved us. the priest continued by bringing in anecdotes of his personal life to further enforce the point that true love is about suffering - because if you are not even willing to sacrifice for love, perhaps it is time to reflect whether such love is existential. he decried the notion of love teenagers seem to have these days, depicting such 'love' as superficial and fleeting. i guess that at our age, perhaps it is true we have only retained the romanticized ideals of love, leaving out the painful side to it.

and so, is true love really about suffering? that is all? that something so beautiful, pure, and wholesome could be so intimately related to something that bears the resonance of the evil and wicked does not make any sense to me at all. while it is true that suffering can serve to illuminate the glory and resplendence of love, just like how sadness magnifies joy, love is not all about suffering. love can possibly encompass suffering, but i am definitely against love being about suffering.

in fact, i think true love is about understanding. understanding may be considered an inherent element in any relationship, but too many people are taking it for granted. there is nothing about understanding developing on itself just by being with someone - it takes effort, courage and adaptability to build on foundations. only when you begin to understand a person can you gradually change yourself to match him or her better. only after establishing understanding will every moment of bliss be more exuberant, every moment of grief less intense, and every single moment spent together, no matter joy or woe, be endurable.

simply suffering is not the true essence of love. the extent of suffering and sacrifice you are willing to accept and make can serve as a litmus test for the extent to which you love a person. but love is not about suffering. it is about understand. love encompasses suffering, but understanding is not just important for love - it is necessary. and from this, it is easy to see that every relationship is a test of understanding and sacrifice, but while enhanced understanding would make you become more willing to endure greater suffering, increased sacrifices may not improve the depth and comprehension of the relationship.

so... true love?

looking through the still green and largely inexperienced lens of mine, it is most definitely more about understanding than suffering.