there are times...
when you feel down and out,
and all you need is a sincere smile;
when you feel sick and tired,
and all you need is a helping hand;
when you feel sad and lonely,
and all you need is a true confidante.
these are the times...
when you should know your limits,
and know when not to cross the boundary;
when you should know the time to stop,
and be less of the irritant that you are;
when you should know how to be a friend,
and be the one to show love and care.
to live life,
is to learn how to cope with new-found discoveries;
is to learn how to deal with precipitous disenchantments;
is to learn the subtle difference between distrust and disbelief;
is to learn how to struggle against the abominable disease;
is to learn how to accept the inevitable disillusions.
life.
is.
freaking.
tough.
but life goes on.
and so i will persevere, with a smile and an open heart,
layered with illusions, an impenetrable facade.
Showing posts with label =|. Show all posts
Showing posts with label =|. Show all posts
21 January 2008
8 December 2007
loss
everyone has a lot to say. it only depends whether he has found the right person to speak to.
have you ever experienced losing something you treasure a lot? and i'm not speaking of material possessions. definitely, if we invest feelings and sentiments into a physical object, and fate decreeds that the item will be not be found, then most probably we will also feel the void created by the loss of the item gnawing at us, making us feel sad and lost, not knowing what we can do to retrieve it back.so if such tangible things can wreck such havoc upon us, it will only make sense that when we lose the intangible, the pain, grief, and sense of loss will most certainly be amplified, magnified to greater proportions, perhaps so much that we feel we're suffocating under it, unable to handle the stress that causes fractures on our hearts.
we lose things all the time because we are forgetful and absent-minded. we forget the value we have once imposed upon these entities, and no longer treasure them as much. sometimes, they even fade into oblivion. and when we find them again, it only takes a short while before we become careless and lose them again.
do you know how the word 'careless' came about? well, it can be derived from the two words 'care' and 'less'. being 'careless' means caring less. and so we stopped caring, or care less, and the articles we once enshrined in all its resplendent glory no longer seem as beautiful, as bright, or as important.
how can i ever express the abject sense of sadness that overwhelmed me yesterday?
how can i ever show you the space in my heart that you once filled, the space that reverberates in its empty hollow now?
i can't.
sometimes, i really hate this awareness that age has carelessly thrown upon us. it's like telling a puppy that his job is to become a fierce and fear-inspiring watchdog immediately. ignorance is bliss.
alas, it's no use crying over spilled milk. it's time to pick up the shattered pieces of yesterday and build a castle of hope for tomorrow. after all, to love means loving the unlovable; to forgive means forgiving the unforgivable; and to hope is to continue hoping when all else seems hopeless.
i wonder, if sometimes letting oneself be too open, or allowing oneself to give too much, is detrimental to oneself, for it only allows one to be more easily hurt by the ones you have let in.
but doing that means living a dulled existence.
and life is colourful! life is beautiful!
and so i believe.
thus i continue.
our similarities only accentuate our differences.
27 August 2007
untitled
promos are coming. and everyone's counting down to it. 27 days.
and tdae ends on friday. so effectively i have 23 days.
to catch up on the backlog.
to revise from scratch.
to perfect the necessary skills.
it's too short.
to promote isn't really that difficult.
to ace promos is something totally different.
maybe i'm too ambitious.
with such heavy a luggage of responsibilities, it's so easy to excuse myself should i fail to achieve the ideal results. it's so tempting to just obtain average grades and push the blame somewhere else.
but i can't do that.
to meet up to expectations.
to conform with the crowd.
should i? or should i not?
every second is ticking.
yet i don't feel the loss.
am i too numbed by the inevitable?
or am i just too tired to care?
NVM! i shall take this as life's challenge to me!
hahaha it's only by braving the storms and enduring hardship can the mettle of a character be strengthened. alright, hardcore!
if i can achieve my goal of AABBD i'm gonna treat everyone i know to a cup of drink!
the only way of finding the limits of the possible is by going beyond them into the impossible.
i shall seek new limits today.
may God guide me on this arduous path ahead.
and tdae ends on friday. so effectively i have 23 days.
to catch up on the backlog.
to revise from scratch.
to perfect the necessary skills.
it's too short.
to promote isn't really that difficult.
to ace promos is something totally different.
maybe i'm too ambitious.
with such heavy a luggage of responsibilities, it's so easy to excuse myself should i fail to achieve the ideal results. it's so tempting to just obtain average grades and push the blame somewhere else.
but i can't do that.
to meet up to expectations.
to conform with the crowd.
should i? or should i not?
every second is ticking.
yet i don't feel the loss.
am i too numbed by the inevitable?
or am i just too tired to care?
NVM! i shall take this as life's challenge to me!
hahaha it's only by braving the storms and enduring hardship can the mettle of a character be strengthened. alright, hardcore!
if i can achieve my goal of AABBD i'm gonna treat everyone i know to a cup of drink!
the only way of finding the limits of the possible is by going beyond them into the impossible.
i shall seek new limits today.
may God guide me on this arduous path ahead.
16 August 2007
the true fatigue
what is fatigue?
is it the state of being physically tired?
or perhaps the phase where one is emotionally drained?
and what about a combination of the two above?
i guess it is when you are so tired
that inviting sleep seems like a fairytale,
and dreams become something of the past.
heavily burdened, mind overly cluttered,
one's soul manacled by chains of responsibilities.
the more one pulls, the greater it tears into our skin.
run, and perhaps one will only die tired.
what a dreadful notion, to fall prey to pessimism.
the eyes encapsulates the soul.
gaze deeply into these orbs,
and perhaps one day, you will understand.
CAMPFIRE! TEACHERS' DAY! PW! HOMEWORK! =)
when life gives you lemons, make lemonades.
is it the state of being physically tired?
or perhaps the phase where one is emotionally drained?
and what about a combination of the two above?
i guess it is when you are so tired
that inviting sleep seems like a fairytale,
and dreams become something of the past.
heavily burdened, mind overly cluttered,
one's soul manacled by chains of responsibilities.
the more one pulls, the greater it tears into our skin.
run, and perhaps one will only die tired.
what a dreadful notion, to fall prey to pessimism.
the eyes encapsulates the soul.
gaze deeply into these orbs,
and perhaps one day, you will understand.
CAMPFIRE! TEACHERS' DAY! PW! HOMEWORK! =)
when life gives you lemons, make lemonades.
10 August 2007
sometimes
i frankly believe there are at least 10 facades anyone is wearing at any one time. every emotion is embedded deeply into one mask. and the number of masks we choose to wear defines the state of one's vulnerability. we are conditioned to hide behind a multitude of facades when we wish to escape from the painful reality. nobody said life is a fairytale. and even if it were, fairytales have their fair share of trials and tribulationstoo, before the story finally culminates in a happy-ever-after ending. an ending many frantically seeks, but few ever come close to it.
back to why i think there are at least 10 facades in anyone's life. each emotion gives rise to a mask. sadness. depression. joy. excitement. exhausted. crazy. fun. angry. disappointed. neutral. different situations dictate for a different emotional veil. i think we can honestly say we know a person only after discovering at least half of these masks.
sometimes i wonder why i try so hard.
sometimes i ponder over my decisions.
sometimes i feel so wronged.
sometimes i wish my fairytale would arrive earlier.
sometimes i think i'm just deceiving myself.
sometimes i want time to go back.
sometimes.
a friend once told me that everyone needs time of their own to think, to observe and to review. i like to pen my thoughts down. it helps me to face up to certain problems that arise sometimes, instead of leaving them hanging and unanswered. that's simply escaping from the problem. and it's so easy to escape from reality, to enter the dream domain of one's mind where everything is perfect.
it's so tempting to make the easy decisions.
it's so hard to make the right decisions.
i'm tired.
of life's many twists and turns.
of life's meandering and confusing ways.
of life's unpredictability.
back to why i think there are at least 10 facades in anyone's life. each emotion gives rise to a mask. sadness. depression. joy. excitement. exhausted. crazy. fun. angry. disappointed. neutral. different situations dictate for a different emotional veil. i think we can honestly say we know a person only after discovering at least half of these masks.
sometimes i wonder why i try so hard.
sometimes i ponder over my decisions.
sometimes i feel so wronged.
sometimes i wish my fairytale would arrive earlier.
sometimes i think i'm just deceiving myself.
sometimes i want time to go back.
sometimes.
a friend once told me that everyone needs time of their own to think, to observe and to review. i like to pen my thoughts down. it helps me to face up to certain problems that arise sometimes, instead of leaving them hanging and unanswered. that's simply escaping from the problem. and it's so easy to escape from reality, to enter the dream domain of one's mind where everything is perfect.
it's so tempting to make the easy decisions.
it's so hard to make the right decisions.
i'm tired.
of life's many twists and turns.
of life's meandering and confusing ways.
of life's unpredictability.
14 July 2007
sigh
sigh. seeking lost treasures. they say it hurts the most to lose something you once cherished. i think it hurts more to lost something you thought you had. it's been a while. memories often choose the most unlikely of times to flood your mind bank.
sigh. and there's work to settle. teacher's day is a bit shaky. and i gotta catch up more than 1 week's worth of work. ><
sigh. i'm living in the calm before the storm.
that thing you do - the wonders
sigh. and there's work to settle. teacher's day is a bit shaky. and i gotta catch up more than 1 week's worth of work. ><
sigh. i'm living in the calm before the storm.
that thing you do - the wonders
11 July 2007
disconnected
it's been 3 days. and already, i felt disconnected. sigh. no number of phone calls, messages or msn convos can make up for the fact that i can't even get out of the house. it's really no different from a prison.
and the realization that it will take longer than a week hit me. real hard. it's really too optimistic to imagine myself recovering from chickenpox in just a week. i must be some naruto or supernatural dude to be able to do that.
i think i'm just not used to being cut off so abruptly - the transition from a busy and purposeful life into one that's so passive and cooped up is having its effect i guess.
now i understand that when someone's sad, what they really need more than ever is a listening ear than a preaching tongue.
oh well... maybe i shld start planning next week's schedule. randomly working on council proposals and spammage of games just doesn't work well with myself. man. 2 weeks without school.
if i 3 days without school = sad, 2 weeks without school = suicidal? ><
nah. i must try to find some ways to make it exciting. then i can write a book entitled, "have chicenpox and still lead an exciting life".
sian.
and the realization that it will take longer than a week hit me. real hard. it's really too optimistic to imagine myself recovering from chickenpox in just a week. i must be some naruto or supernatural dude to be able to do that.
i think i'm just not used to being cut off so abruptly - the transition from a busy and purposeful life into one that's so passive and cooped up is having its effect i guess.
now i understand that when someone's sad, what they really need more than ever is a listening ear than a preaching tongue.
oh well... maybe i shld start planning next week's schedule. randomly working on council proposals and spammage of games just doesn't work well with myself. man. 2 weeks without school.
if i 3 days without school = sad, 2 weeks without school = suicidal? ><
nah. i must try to find some ways to make it exciting. then i can write a book entitled, "have chicenpox and still lead an exciting life".
sian.
8 July 2007
of sadness
we tend to oversimplify matters that engender a more complicated nature than many think it to be. we believe we know what remorse is when we failed to study hard enough for the exams and, as a result, received poor grades. we assume we understand what pain is after suffering from a long period of illness. we conclude that sorrow is what we perceive it to be after letting opportunities slip us by.
but in actual fact, such feelings and emotions can never be truly defined. other than the actuality that everything in life conforms to relativity, that things exists in shades and degrees rather than being absolute, there is also the occurrence of redefinition. when we were still a baby, being sad was when there was not enough attention or food. after growing up and experiencing life through many different avenues, being sad could be the demise of a relationship or the failure to accomplish something. and so, because life is so ever-changing and dynamic, our experiences often redefine presumptions formed previously.
and sadness has once again been redefined for me. sigh. what luck. and it's only compounded by the fact that the coming week is busy with house meeting and ihcs. and i can't be there to help my fellow house d. it almost feels as though i'm abandoning them. and it's hard to help out when you can't be there physically for them.
sometimes it's hard to be positive and optimistic, to put on a facade and say everything is gonna be alright when you can never be sure. and sometimes it's hard to look for the silver lining hidden behind this cloud when your mind is so clogged up. damn. having chicken pox sucks. especially at this crucial timing.
sometimes, i wonder how life would be without sadness, pain, and grief. would it be a better place? would heaven be like that? but every time i think about it, i'm not too sure if life would be better, if not worse. after all, don't you realise that suffering makes life experiences become sweeter? water tastes so much more refreshing to a man who is thirsty. air smells so much sweeter to a man who just came out from prison. i guess, perhaps suffering does put things into perspective.
but in actual fact, such feelings and emotions can never be truly defined. other than the actuality that everything in life conforms to relativity, that things exists in shades and degrees rather than being absolute, there is also the occurrence of redefinition. when we were still a baby, being sad was when there was not enough attention or food. after growing up and experiencing life through many different avenues, being sad could be the demise of a relationship or the failure to accomplish something. and so, because life is so ever-changing and dynamic, our experiences often redefine presumptions formed previously.
and sadness has once again been redefined for me. sigh. what luck. and it's only compounded by the fact that the coming week is busy with house meeting and ihcs. and i can't be there to help my fellow house d. it almost feels as though i'm abandoning them. and it's hard to help out when you can't be there physically for them.
sometimes it's hard to be positive and optimistic, to put on a facade and say everything is gonna be alright when you can never be sure. and sometimes it's hard to look for the silver lining hidden behind this cloud when your mind is so clogged up. damn. having chicken pox sucks. especially at this crucial timing.
sometimes, i wonder how life would be without sadness, pain, and grief. would it be a better place? would heaven be like that? but every time i think about it, i'm not too sure if life would be better, if not worse. after all, don't you realise that suffering makes life experiences become sweeter? water tastes so much more refreshing to a man who is thirsty. air smells so much sweeter to a man who just came out from prison. i guess, perhaps suffering does put things into perspective.
10 April 2007
green day
just spent the rest of the night designing x.X lol, gotta spiff some stuff up for BB GREEN DAY which is next wed!
msn display pics -
handphone wallpaper -
Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes. - Oscar Wilde
msn display pics -
handphone wallpaper -
Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes. - Oscar Wilde
4 April 2007
ups and downs
sry.. it's been busy these few days.. only managed to find time to post now. yesterday. it was a day of ups and downs, a day of hope and yet, at the same time, a day of despair.
started the day brightly, feeling very excited abt results. lol, but somehow, the 'excitedness' lvl kept on dropping each time i meet another campaigner since everyone is sort of putting themselves down, to reduce the blow should they fail to make the mark. oh well.. be positive ppl! haha, then got to skip gp to witness the remarkable launch of the banyan tree thingy. speakers were largely disappointing, though the final one was quite funny.
went back to class. then mel started laming arnd. kept worrying over not making it in. lol, so i tried to find some ways to lift her spirits and convince her that she will definitely be in. quite fun and lame at the same time ><
classes ended. went to com lab 7. cybergaming. haha, played a game to relax and chill before the results are announced. lost the game but it was fun nonetheless. oh ya! got to meet yihui there, so we're sort of formally introduced. yes, you know something funny? it's like you know lots of people around, but some of the ppl you dunno them well, so when you meet them on the corridors you are not sure if you should greet or dao since they may not know you. >< haha, saw her dancing afterwards. dunno if it's modern or chinese dance though o_0
and it was 15 mins before results. saw willie playing chinese chess against siew hui. lol, that's another new friend. wa, these few days getting to know more ppl. funnnnnn! anyway, got to know he was being thrashed. aiyo willie! -.- aha, then saw giraffe sabrina and shi hua sitting at a corner. chatted a while.
and then the moment arrived. they shifted the board out with cloth covering the results (quite lame). oh ya, i forgot to state my theory that councilors are sadistic in nature. you see, they knew the results the night before. and they just had to make us wait 17 hours in agony and anxiety. haha. true rite?
k, no digressing. and the moment arrived. a throng of students rushed forward immediately. waited for a while. finally started moving towards IT. reached IT. but can't see anything 'cos all the tall-lies standing in front. zZz.. so i waited for IT. (eh crap, i realised i still got lots of hw, cannot drama anymore)
so to cut a long story short, I SAW MY NAME ON IT!!! W00T! I'M INNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN! haha, that moment was sweeeeeet man. it's like your heart wanna burst out in joy or something. then went on to scan for the names of the rest of my teammates. anna and shihua got in too! =DD
sigh, and it comes to the part which is 'down'. searched for dexter's name.. but couldn't find it. damnz. it feels so... incomplete? and sad. the euphoric feeling sort of evaporated. that place soon became super emo. lots of ppl shouting in joy.. but in the background, there are also those who did not make it, and the sight of them crying.. it's just quite disheartening. you can really feel for them. the effort everyone put in, only to find that they did not make it. sigh...
ups and downs.
started the day brightly, feeling very excited abt results. lol, but somehow, the 'excitedness' lvl kept on dropping each time i meet another campaigner since everyone is sort of putting themselves down, to reduce the blow should they fail to make the mark. oh well.. be positive ppl! haha, then got to skip gp to witness the remarkable launch of the banyan tree thingy. speakers were largely disappointing, though the final one was quite funny.
went back to class. then mel started laming arnd. kept worrying over not making it in. lol, so i tried to find some ways to lift her spirits and convince her that she will definitely be in. quite fun and lame at the same time ><
classes ended. went to com lab 7. cybergaming. haha, played a game to relax and chill before the results are announced. lost the game but it was fun nonetheless. oh ya! got to meet yihui there, so we're sort of formally introduced. yes, you know something funny? it's like you know lots of people around, but some of the ppl you dunno them well, so when you meet them on the corridors you are not sure if you should greet or dao since they may not know you. >< haha, saw her dancing afterwards. dunno if it's modern or chinese dance though o_0
and then the moment arrived. they shifted the board out with cloth covering the results (quite lame). oh ya, i forgot to state my theory that councilors are sadistic in nature. you see, they knew the results the night before. and they just had to make us wait 17 hours in agony and anxiety. haha. true rite?
k, no digressing. and the moment arrived. a throng of students rushed forward immediately. waited for a while. finally started moving towards IT. reached IT. but can't see anything 'cos all the tall-lies standing in front. zZz.. so i waited for IT. (eh crap, i realised i still got lots of hw, cannot drama anymore)
so to cut a long story short, I SAW MY NAME ON IT!!! W00T! I'M INNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN! haha, that moment was sweeeeeet man. it's like your heart wanna burst out in joy or something. then went on to scan for the names of the rest of my teammates. anna and shihua got in too! =DD
ups and downs.
29 March 2007
abstract
"it has happened before. and now it has happened again."
life is history awaiting to repeat itself. haven't you witnessed yourself making the same mistakes over and over again, no matter how much you tell yourself not to? sometimes, some things are simply inevitable. no matter how much you try to avoiding it, it always seems to happen to you over and over again.
life is a journey of lessons. every moment in life, there is a possibility that you'll experience something new, or see something mundane in a new light. and you will learn. sometimes, you feel that you have already learnt about it, only to find out that what you know is just the tip of an iceberg. mistakes, pains, regret are all inherent in life - it is impossible to complete this journey without getting hurt in the process.
life is a sentient being. it interacts with one in unsuspecting and subtle means. a simple breeze that ruffles your hair while your heart is in turmoil can be a small but meaningful measure that encourages you. when you're feeling down and out, lying by the beach with a million thoughts racing through your mind, a beautiful sunset can appear to show you how there's so much more to life that can be enjoyed. a confused soul lying with his back on the roof staring at the nightsky can bask in the soothing light of the bright moon, and let the comforting moon rays calm the troubled waters of the heart. observe life and let her help you traverse this long, long journey.
it has been an amazing week. there are days which made me feel like life's never been better, and there are also days which i feel are disparaging and dissatisfying. i dunno. i guess i was confused.. but thankfully, the confusion's beginning to clear.. hope the aftermath will last equally short.
council voting and results are coming up soon. lol, hope i can make it through ><
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
life is history awaiting to repeat itself. haven't you witnessed yourself making the same mistakes over and over again, no matter how much you tell yourself not to? sometimes, some things are simply inevitable. no matter how much you try to avoiding it, it always seems to happen to you over and over again.
life is a journey of lessons. every moment in life, there is a possibility that you'll experience something new, or see something mundane in a new light. and you will learn. sometimes, you feel that you have already learnt about it, only to find out that what you know is just the tip of an iceberg. mistakes, pains, regret are all inherent in life - it is impossible to complete this journey without getting hurt in the process.
it has been an amazing week. there are days which made me feel like life's never been better, and there are also days which i feel are disparaging and dissatisfying. i dunno. i guess i was confused.. but thankfully, the confusion's beginning to clear.. hope the aftermath will last equally short.
council voting and results are coming up soon. lol, hope i can make it through ><
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
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